


Tell Me It's Over; I'll Still Love You The Same

by CognizantCatastrophe



Series: WinterIron All The Time [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Tony Stark, IronWinter - Freeform, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 12:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7171862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CognizantCatastrophe/pseuds/CognizantCatastrophe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Inspired by "Call Me" by Shinedown.</i>
</p>
<p>Bucky screwed up. Tony got hurt, and he knows the only way to keep Tony safe is to leave. Part of him felt guilty leaving. Steve, for one, would be devastated. He’d made Bucky promise after they fixed his head that he wouldn’t run off and disappear again.</p>
<p>That was why leaving while Steve and most of the other Avengers were out of the tower was ideal. No one would attempt to stop him. After all, he couldn’t even promise he’d visit on the weekends, so what was the point in trying to plead his case?</p>
<p>Heck, after last night, Steve probably wouldn’t miss him, either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me It's Over; I'll Still Love You The Same

**Author's Note:**

> Okay! So I have never ever written for this fandom before (YIKES! It's terrifying trying out a new fandom) but I couldn't resist. I'm totally in love with this pairing.
> 
> This fic was inspired by Shinedown's "Call Me." 
> 
> Check me out on my (new) [Tumblr!](http://cognizantcatastrophe.tumblr.com/)

Bucky looked down at the key in his hands and traced the edges gently before sighing. He sat the key on the table, his hand lingering. Honestly, it was just a car key, but it wasn’t like he had a physical key to the tower. His hand was his key to the tower, and he wasn’t going to give that up willingly any time soon.

He gave his apartment – who was he kidding? Stark made sure each Avenger had their own damn _floor,_ even though his had mostly been storage for a while – one last cursory look as he hefted the duffle bag onto his shoulder. Part of him felt guilty leaving. Steve, for one, would be devastated. He’d made Bucky promise after they fixed his head that he wouldn’t run off and disappear again.

That was why leaving while Steve and most of the other Avengers were out of the tower was ideal. No one would attempt to stop him. After all, he couldn’t even promise he’d visit on the weekends, so what was the point in trying to plead his case?

Heck, after last night, Steve probably wouldn’t miss him, either.

* * *

_“Who was she?”_

_Bucky didn’t say a word, just watching as the anger on Tony’s face increased. Tony growled and slammed his fist against the table between them. Bucky was just glad it wasn’t the fist attached to the arm currently in a cast. “Damn it, Bucky! I asked you a question. Who was she?”_

_“Never caught her name.”_

_Tony’s eyes widened incredulously. “Never… You never got her name? That’s not… I’m the one who does crap like that, not you. How could you not get her name?”_

_“Didn’t really care,” Bucky replied with a shrug._

_“So, what, you were drunk? Had one too many, that sort of thing?”_

_Bucky snorted. “I can drink you under the table. What do you think?”_

_Tony stared at him, his expression warring between hurt and anger. Tony wrapped his right arm over his left, cradling the cast encompassing his left arm close to his chest. Bucky fought the compulsion to pull Tony into his arms, to grovel and apologize._

_“You just… So what, you just decided you didn’t care? Just like that?” Bucky saw the moment Tony shut down and he felt it like a knife to his chest. Tony turned his back on Bucky. “Get out of my lab. While you’re at it, get all your stuff off my floor. If I find anything of yours, I’m burning it. We’re over. Get out.”_

_Bucky left without a word._

* * *

And on the off-chance that Steve wouldn’t be angry, he didn’t want the man to feel torn between both of his best friends. If a choice had to be made between Bucky and Tony, Bucky knew what the right choice was – even if he was the only one who knew it.

After all, he’d give Tony the world, if he could. Even Tony had told him they were over, Bucky’s feelings weren’t. They never would be. He still loved Tony, but he wouldn’t be doing any of this if he didn’t.

This was why he never bothered unpacking. Nothing lasts forever, no matter how much he wished it could. He made his choice, even if it wasn’t what he wanted. It was better to leave now, while Tony was angry, even if it killed him to do it. He turned towards the elevator, and a picture on the edge of his peripheral vision caught his eye. It was of the two of them, of him and Tony, laughing and smiling as Tony kissed him.

* * *

_“You’re the worst,” Tony laughed, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s lips. Bucky could feel the smile in the kiss and couldn’t help smiling back. He pulled the other man into his arms and held him close, basking in the warmth flooding through him._

_“I’m still your favorite, though.”_

_“Yes, you are.”_

* * *

Bucky took a deep breath and forced the emotions down, refusing to acknowledge them. He had spent over half a century feeling nothing, and he would do it again.

Bucky stepped into the elevator. “Ground floor, JARVIS,” he said.

“May I inquire as to where you are going, Sir?”

“I figured you’d know. Hasn’t Tony revoked my access yet?”

“No, he hasn’t,” JARVIS said slowly. “You still have full access to the tower.”

Bucky paused at that. “I’ll do it for him, then. JARVIS, revoke my access to the tower.”

“The entire tower?” If JARVIS were human, Bucky would swear he was surprised.

“Yes, the entire tower,” Bucky replied. “I don’t want you to even let me in the building.”

“Won’t it be terribly inconvenient to have Sir or Captain Rogers escort you in every time you return?”

“No,” Bucky sighed as they reached the ground floor. “I’m not coming back.”

JARVIS continued to talk to him, but Bucky ignored him until he reached the doors. “Did you revoke my access?” He asked, his hand on the door.

“Sir, I really think this is a bad—“

“JARVIS!” Bucky snapped.

There was a pause. “It’s done, Sir,” JARVIS replied.

Bucky nodded and took a deep breath, then pushed the door open.

* * *

Two months later, Bucky was sitting at a table outside a restaurant in Paris, sipping coffee. It was his eighth city in as many weeks, not that he was really keeping track of the cities. It was the weeks he couldn't forget - the weeks he couldn't keep himself from counting, the time since seeing Tony becoming larger and larger. Perhaps one day it would be so long, Tony would move on and forget about him. He never would forget Tony, though.

It was early – before the sun, in fact. It was his last morning in the city; he had already decided it was time to move on. As soon as he was done with his coffee, he was hopping on a train.

“Fancy seeing you here, Soldier.”

Bucky looked up, surprised to see Natasha taking the seat in front of him. He inwardly berated himself for allowing her to surprise him in the first place. “How the hell did you find me?” he asked.

“If you were trying to hide, you made a pretty big mistake.”

Bucky frowned and stared at her, not understanding.

“Your phone,” she said slowly. “You never tossed it.”

“Didn’t think anyone would track it.”

Natasha laughed. “Are you kidding? We’ve been tracking it since you left the tower.”

“So why didn’t anyone else show up before now?”

Natasha studied him carefully. “Sam said you stopped going to counseling sessions.”

Bucky stared back, unflinching.

“Why did you stop?”

When Bucky still refused to answer, Natasha huffed. “This is stupid. You were doing so well. I actually saw you laugh.”

“What did Tony tell you happened to his arm?”

Natasha paused. “He didn’t say anything. He just said it was because of the suit, but it wasn’t a big deal.”

Bucky took a deep breath and closed his eyes, counting backwards from 10. Of course Tony said it wasn’t a big deal; what else would he say?

His eyes snapped open when he felt Natasha’s hand rest gently on his. “Nightmare or flashback?” she asked.

Bucky snorted, but it was sardonic. “That’s the best part. I don’t even remember,” Bucky said. “But it doesn’t matter. I broke his arm, Nat. Me.”

“Tony’s fine. He’s depressed, but he’s fine.”

“Why would he be depressed?”

Natasha looked at him like he was stupid. “Because he misses you, idiot.”

“I broke. His _arm_.”

“Then take it up with him. I’m just here to bring you back so Tony will stop moping and Steve will stop acting like someone killed his puppy.”

Natasha stood up as a sleek black car pulled up on the street beside the restaurant. “Come on,” she said, picking up his duffel bag.

“Natasha, give me the bag.”

“Nope.”

“Nat, I’m not going back to the tower. Give me the bag.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and climbed into the back of the car. With the duffle bag.

Bucky growled and clenched his fists, trying to decide how quickly he could replace everything inside, before finally deciding it wasn’t worth the effort. He would just escape later.

* * *

Bucky groaned and squeezed his eyes tight, the light shining through his eyelids hurting and making him reluctant to open them. Natasha had been onto his plans and wasted no time drugging him, which pissed him off. He’d had enough of being drugged and forced to do things he didn’t want to do for one lifetime, thank you very much.

“Buck? Hey, Bucky, are you awake?”

Aaaaand that was Steve. Wonderful.

“Where are we?” Bucky asked, rubbing at his eyes as he sat up slowly.

“You’re at the tower.”

“What?” Bucky asked, before proceeding to utter every Russian curse and insult he knew and direct them at Natasha. He looked around and immediately recognized the bedroom. He was laying on his side of – no – he was laying on Tony’s bed. _Just_ Tony’s.

“How the hell am I already in the tower?”

“I carried you in once Natasha got the car to the Quinjet.”

Bucky sighed. “Look, Steve, I’m sorry, but I gotta go. I can’t be here.”

Bucky made the mistake of looking into Steve’s eyes, and there was no missing the wounded look there. Guilt twisted in his gut and he looked away.

“Why?” Steve croaked. “You were doing so well. You were happy. And then you stopped talking to Sam, and everyone started getting worried. Then you just disappeared.”

“Okay, Capcicle, time to go.”

Bucky couldn’t help the wince at the edge in Tony’s voice. Steve tried to protest, but Tony just glared. Steve reluctantly left, and Bucky stared at his hands, refusing to look at Tony. He couldn’t. If he looked at the man, he’d break.

“Bucky,” Tony whispered, pulling a chair in front of Bucky and grasping both of Bucky’s hands in his own. Bucky was relieved to see the cast was gone. “Bucky, look a me.”

Tony squeezed his hands and sighed quietly when Bucky refused to look up.

“Baby, I’m so sorry,” Tony whispered, reaching up and running his fingers through Bucky’s hair gently. “I’m sorry I told you to leave. I never should have done that.”

“I cheated on you. You did the right thing.”

“The hell you did,” Tony snarled angrily. “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?”

“I knew you would.”

“That’s not – _god_ , Bucky, just stop!” Tony pleaded. “I know it was a scam.”

Bucky squeezed Tony’s hands at that – a mistake, but he couldn’t help the moment of weakness. “How?” Bucky croaked, knowing there was no use in lying anymore.

“I was so angry, I didn’t know at first,” Tony began. “I knew what I saw, and I believed it. And you know how I am when I’m hurt and angry; I don’t let it go.

“It took me about three weeks before the anger turned into a need to punish myself. I guess you could call me a masochist,” Tony laughed sardonically. “I had JARVIS call up the surveillance from the moment the two of you entered the tower. I watched you mess up the bed, then go into the bathroom while she stayed in our bedroom. I watched as both of you stripped. I saw the whole damn thing, including the fact that I’m the only one who got an eyeful. You waited until she was out the door before you even came out of the bathroom. I even watched you cry as you packed your duffle bag on your floor before she even showed up. You knew what you were doing,  and you knew it meant leaving because you knew it would work.”

Bucky’s hands shook. He wasn’t sure if that was because of his own hands or Tony’s. Hell, it was probably both. “Tony,” he barely managed to get out. “Tony, I’m sorry.”

“Just… why?” Tony asked, his hand cupping Bucky’s cheek gently. “I get that you were pushing me away. I just don’t get why.”

“This,” Bucky said, his flesh hand gently stroking Tony’s freshly-healed forearm. “I hurt you. I’m dangerous when I’m sober and aware of my surroundings, Tony, but at least I’m in control. I can’t stay if I can’t keep myself from hurting you.”

Tony squeezed his hand again, but Bucky still refused to look up. “ _That_ is what this is about? Do you even remember what happened?” Tony asked.

Bucky shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. It was getting harder and harder to fight back tears as he listened to the pain, the desperation, in Tony’s voice. It was killing him to know he was the one who put it there in the first place. This man… this man was it for him, and he’d hurt him. How was he supposed to live with himself after that?

“JARVIS, bring up the feed from when I broke my arm.”

“When I broke it,” Bucky murmured.

“Hush,” Tony snapped. “You’re going to watch, and you’re going to feel stupid. Now pay attention.”

Bucky looked up at the projection JARVIS provided, still managing to avoid looking at Tony.

Bucky watched as he and Tony laughed and teased each other while Tony worked in the workshop on one of the suits – a gauntlet, more specifically. He watched as the gauntlet went off accidentally. He watched as a beam fell from the ceiling. He watched as he lunged for Tony and managed to save him from a more serious injury, but Tony’s arm didn’t manage to escape.

“Why don’t I remember this?” Bucky asked, wide-eyed. “I don’t remember any of this.”

“Probably because of the panic attack you’re having right now,” Tony said, gesturing to the projection. “You also never went back down to my between that and when you left. I didn’t realize you thought you broke it. You didn’t break my arm, baby.”

Tony stroked Bucky’s hair as Bucky’s eyes remained locked on the screen, watching as he had a panic attack, as Tony tried to comfort him despite the broken arm. He saw Steve, Natasha and Clint run into the lab. Nat and Clint helped them both out of the lab, while Steve set about fixing the beam and making sure nothing else collapsed.

“Baby, please,” Tony pleaded. “Look at me. Please look at me.”

Bucky slowly turned his head, his eyes meeting Tony’s. Tony looked exhausted and like he lost weight. There was sadness in his eyes, but there was also hope. Bucky raised a shaking hand and placed it on Tony’s cheek.

“Tony,” he breathed, the sound barely a whisper. In the silence of the bedroom, however, Tony heard it easily. Tony cupped Bucky’s face in both hands and rested his forehead against Bucky’s.

“Please don’t leave me again.”

Bucky pulled Tony into his lap and Tony tucked his face against Bucky’s neck. Bucky held him tight, frowning when he realized there was a little less to hold than the last time he did this. “You’ve lost weight, Doll.”

“Doesn’t matter,” Tony mumbled.

“The hell it doesn’t,” Bucky growled, nipping at Tony’s ear gently. “Let me guess; you haven’t been sleeping either, have you?”

“Yes, I have!”

“He has not, Sergeant Barnes,” JARVIS’s voice chimed in. “He has been taking naps ever two or three days since your departure.”

“I figured that,” Bucky murmured, nuzzling Tony’s hair.

Tony just cuddled closer, if possible. “Are we okay? Are you going to stay, now, or do I need to handcuff you to the bed? Not that handcuffs would keep you there, but it would be fun. I can find some other way to keep you here.”

“If you’ll have me.”

“Of course I will,” Tony replied.

“Does this mean I can reinstate Sergeant Barnes’s access?” JARVIS chimed in.

Tony chuckled. “Yeah, J,” he said. “Bucky gets full access, just like before.”

“You healed me, you know,” Bucky said, pressing a kiss to the side of Tony’s head. “I’m not okay without you.”

“And I’m not okay without you.”

Bucky kissed Tony. The moment their lips met, there was a rush. There was heat and soothing and reassuring and passion. Their lips glided against each other, remapping and remembering, finding comfort in the presence of each other.

When they finally pulled apart, Bucky pressed his forehead against Tony’s.

“You’re my favorite,” Tony said, smiling the smile only Bucky ever got to see.

Bucky smiled in return. “You’re mine, too.”

“Favorite what?” Tony asked cheekily. “Favorite genius? Favorite philanthropist? Favorite specimen of the male portion of the human race? I’m sure you can come up with more. I’m practically a saint, you know – a gift, really. You should be grateful. You should also get to opening this gift, because baby, it’s been way too long. On second thought, that saint thing probably wouldn’t pass very well.”

Bucky rolled his eyes and laughed. “Oh, Doll,” he sighed happily, kissing Tony again and effectively cutting off the other man’s rambling. “You’re my favorite way to sin.”


End file.
